The woman told me her fiance had just moved in with her and lots of his stuff had not been unpacked so when she was moving his duffel bag off of a chair, the handle got caught and much of the contents spilled out onto the floor including a large, realistic dildo. She’s not opposed to sex toys but she did ask him “why do you have a dildo in your duffel bag?” To which he replied, “It belonged to my ex”.

Now, I’ve certainly heard the stories of men that leave and take all of her toys & lingerie, sometimes even taking high heel boots. What does he think he can do with those items anyway? Does he really think his next lover will be excited to wear the ex’s lingerie? No, these men take for spite (which is a different blog for another day).

Perhaps he just hadn’t the opportunity to introduce this toy into their sexy funtime-playtime sessions? No, it was not new in the package, and he was upset that she had found it.

“Why would he keep an ex’s dildo?” she asked me.

I told her what I believe and I’m going to share with you: It’s not his ex’s dildo, it’s his, used for his pleasure and while this does not make him gay, he’s probably afraid you’ll think that he is gay or worse, a pervert, which is the farthest from the truth because lots of men enjoy prostate stimulation, even heterosexual men. Sometimes known as the ‘male G-Spot’, the prostate is about two inches in the rectum toward the belly and contains almost as many nerve endings as the clitoris. It can be a whole new avenue of pleasure for many men.

Here’s the Top 5 Things to Know About Anal Play

  1. Relax and have lots of foreplay.
  2. You’ll need lot of lubricant because your anus doesn’t produce moisture. Use something thick and not sticky; LBB sells specific lubricants just for anal play and we’ll help you choose something nice.
  3. Go slowly and use something small that is made for anal play; a flanged toy is a must or you will be on the next episode of Sex Sent Me to the ER. Do not use a toy without a flange for anal play! LBB has great beginner toys for rear entry in store, but not online. (sometimes we post Glass Case items, a.k.a. vibrators, on our IG page: instagram.com/littleblackboxlingerie)
  4. If it hurts, then grab more lube.
  5. Beginner toys are small and typically made of soft silicone at LBB.

I encouraged her to have a conversation with her fiance about her feelings. What else was I going to say? From my perspective having a strong, lasting relationship is about sharing and creating bonds and having great sex certainly strengthens your partnership. If I can’t talk to my hubby about my desires, then my sex life is going to suck-ass and not in a good way. I should be able to share without being embarrassed or judged and the same goes for my hubby too. Those can be some hot and steamy conversations that ultimately lead to mind blowing sex.

However, there is another viewpoint I had not considered – her fiance’s. I have no idea how a ‘good ol boy’ who enjoys prostate massage in private will react to being called out on his fun, completely normal, fetish. He could see it as confrontational considering the initial excuse given as to why he owns a dildo. What is the best approach? You can either leave him alone or come home with a strap-on. I doubt he’d be open to the latter, but you know your guy better than I do. Best just leave him alone for now and let time wear down the newness of living together and getting to know your partner in a new way. You can always approach the subject later.